The recent announcement of the title for Star Wars Episode 7 has left the internet split. Or maybe it’s not split. I can never really tell anymore. All I know is that I think the title is awful. I’m sure the movie will be good, hopefully even great, but I have a hard time imagining myself referring to it as The Force Awakens instead of Star Wars 7 or Episode 7. In the case of Star Wars, the iconic franchise brand name won’t sway any casual moviegoers from checking it out when December 2015 rolls around. For original properties like Edge of Tomorrow, an odd title can lead to odd marketing campaigns and lead the general public to ignore the movie completely (And you should all watch Edge of Tomorrow). With that in mind, I took a look back at some of the worst movie titles. No order of ranking here. They’re all pretty bad titles.
Freddy Got Fingered
I hate this movie. I hate this movie so fucking much. The juvenile humor makes the American Pie spin-off films look like Oscar contenders. One critic called it “a crime against humanity” and I’m inclined to agree. While the title does refer to a “joke” – if you want to call it that – in the movie, it still leaves a crass image in the mind of the viewer before even watching it. In that case, there may be an argument for this being the most appropriate title for such a shitty movie.
2 Fast, 2 Furious
The Fast and the Furious was enough of a success to warrant a sequel. Obviously it would make enough money by simply titling it The Fast and the Furious 2: Miami Heat or something like that. But no. They decided to try and make it sound hip by tossing numbers in front of letters “Hey, it’s gotta be better than the first one because now they’re going 2 fast AND 2 furious. That’s like, double the adjectives!”
Star Trek Into Darkness
I didn’t realize how often I talk about the failures of Star Trek Into Darkness on this site until now. I don’t even dislike the movie. It gets plenty of things wrong, and the title sure doesn’t help. The movie isn’t much darker than the first. The crew of the Enterprise doesn’t travel to places where no man has gone before. They don’t really get into anything besides some cool action set pieces and a misuse of the most iconic Star Trek villain.
Another entry in the “Worst Movies of All-Time” list, Tommy Wiseau’s great cinematic failure has a title which refers to… Well, I’m not sure. People spend lots of time going in and out of rooms for 99 minutes. Sometimes they go outside to toss a football around. Sometimes the characters even throw a football while wearing suits. Chock this up with the supposedly dropped subplot about a character being a vampire and flying away in his car from the roof (I’m not kidding) and you’ve got a title just as confusing as the movie which followed it.
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo
I’m almost tempted to leave this one off the list because I love using the Electric Boogaloo subtitle whenever there is a disappointing or unnecessary sequel. The Last Exorcism 2: Electric Boogaloo, The Hangover 2: Electric Boogaloo, and my personal favorite, The Amazing Spider-Man 2: Electro Boogaloo. The movie has the notoriety of being filmed and released the same year as its predecessor. Yup. That actually happened.
I’m a pretty big fan of the James Bond film franchise. At their worst, they’re male power fantasies with questionable gender politics. At their best, we get things like Casino Royale. Somewhere near the bottom, we get the Roger Moore era James Bond films. There is so much wrong in this round of Bond films from the far too campy tone to the horribly racist and sexist caricatures. Nothing encapsulates this better than the title of Moore’s sixth Bond outing.
Die Hard 2: Die Harder
I’m aware Die Hard 2 didn’t initially have the subtitle Die Harder. It was initially the tagline but has now become synonymous with the pretty good, not great, action sequel. It adds nothing to the title other than repeating a word merely for emphasis (EMPHASIS!). At least it’s not the worst movie in the franchise. Just the worst title.
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
I Know What You Did Last Summer is a slasher with a cult following that will try and convince you that it’s fun mindless entertainment. It’s not. Neither are the sequels. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer sounds like an SNL parody of the trashy slasher product. The second sequel has a title that’s almost as good I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer. With a reboot on the way (Why?) I can only hope they continue the trend of terrible titles with I Kinda Forgot What You Did Last Summer.
The Last Exorcism Part II
I mean, it’s in the title. The first one was The Last Exorcism. How could there be another one? I feel like this one explains itself pretty well.
Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice
The movie isn’t even out yet but we need to talk about this title. Man of Steel gets several things undeniably right. The cast is full of class acts. The name grabs your attention like The Dark Knight did. It just gets so many basic fundamental Superman elements so wrong. With BvS: DoJ, a title so long and obvious that it’s laughable, there’s already so much wrong here. Snyder’s intent to change the “vs” to a “v” was too try and signify a more mature approach to the superhero dispute. It makes the film sound like a court case. The politics in TDK are riveting but Nolan also understands why they can be so involving. Snyder spent the last half hour of MoS on a punching contest between several participants who couldn’t hurt each other. Not only that, but this movie is also supposed to introduce Wonder Woman, Flash, Cyborg, and Aquaman? The title doesn’t really sum up what this movie needs to say. Like, at all.