An Aunt May spinoff? She’s been made remarkably insignificant thanks to the very franchise she inhabits. We can make fun of Sony for even letting this rumor surface in the manner it did, but they’ve taken enough of a beating. But this got us at AE thinking, what other insignificant characters deserve their own spinoff movie?

That Security Guard in The Avengers

Marvel Studios

Marvel Studios

Harry Dean Stanton’s cameo was a hidden gem in a movie full of memorable moments. His security guard showed Bruce Banner that some people will accept the Hulk for what he is and who he can be. But how did he come to that decision? What’s the driving force behind this good Samaritan? A tumblr headcanon* had Banner tell Fury to hire the security guard at SHIELD headquarters. I poise a different view of that. Maybe this security guard was a SHIELD agent before the Battle of New York. His lifelong adventures could be chronicled through a trilogy of films that coincide with the upcoming Agent Carter series. We could just call it The Harry Dean Stanton Adventures, culminating with his final appearance in Infinity Wars. Harry Dean Stanton is then revealed to be the final Infinity Stone. Thanos doesn’t know what’s coming to him.

Jar Jar Binks in the Star Wars prequels

The “comedic relief” character in the Star Wars prequels made us all vomit from every orifice, but you can’t deny that the character has made an impact in our lives. IS it an impact for the worse? Yes, very yes. But Jar Jar is also the key to all of this. Jar Jar Binks is the reason the Empire was formed. How does his part in creating a galactic civil war weigh on the aging Gungan? I imagine a series of spinoffs similar to Last of the Mohicans but with Jar Jar Binks traveling as a space version of Natty Bumppo. We’ll call it Last of the Gungans.

Jonesy the Cat in Alien

We had two great movies in the Alien franchise with a pretty good trilogy capper at the end of it. Alien: Resurrection is a clusterfuck of a film that, while enjoyable, doesn’t function well enough to be serviceable entertainment. We needed a Ripley-less installment. What we need, is Jonesy. Running parallel to the events of Aliens, Jonesy runs around the space station where Ripley left him. A Xenomorph egg made its way back to Earth. How? I don’t know. This is the same franchise that spawnd Riply with superpowers 200 years after the events of the previous trilogy. Don’t ask questions, dammit. So we follow Jonesy’s struggle for survival on another space station before he escapes in an escape pod. But Jonesy, the sole survivor, was followed back to our planet’s surface, setting up for the sequel. In space, no one can hear you meow. On Earth, it won’t matter.

Joel McHale as the bank teller in Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 2

I’m going to throw this new franchise a bone by looking back at the past and seeing what worked so well. Spider-Man 2 is a superhero masterpiece for many reasons, its human approach to superhero proceedings being chief among them. Joel McHale has risen in significant popularity since his time in this movie. Tie in the bank teller’s backstory with a certain former lawyer at Greendale Community College, boy we got a franchise going. Yes, in this story, Jeff Winger and Community exists in the same universe as Spider-Man. It’s crazy, but it’s so crazy that it just might work. Spider-Man teaming up with the Greendale students is the crossover we deserve. I dean this a good way to Chang things up.

The Waitress in Pulp Fiction

Pumpkin: Garcon! Coffee!

Waitress: Garcon means boy.

And there’s our in. This waitress is fed up with misogynistic bullshit in the workplace. We follow this waitress through her life working at that diner as she deals with sexism from her customers. We don’t need to stretch this out into a trilogy, like the Harry Dean Stanton Chronicles. Just a two-parter that encompasses 24 hours in the life of the waitress. For box office draw, every Quentin Tarantino character will come in and out of the diner. Each character has a history with the waitress – whose face we will never see – but we only hear about the shared history, never see it.

The Apple Store Guy in Captain America: The Winter Soldier

The Marvel Cinematic Universe is a crowning achievement in serialized storytelling.  You know what would make it even better? An everyman story about the Apple Story Guy (AGS) and his struggle to impress superheroes who constantly wander into his life. Tie it in with Iron Man 3 and Gary the cameraman and you’ve got a mini-shared universe. We’ll call it The Averagers. Throw in Kat Dennings from the Thor movies and this idea might just make someone a million dollars. You’re welcome, Hollywood.

Stan Lee in all the Marvel Movies

Marvel Studios

Marvel Studios

Let’s wrap this all around back to where it all began, the multiple Stan Lee cameos that spread across the majority of Marvel movies. The biggest movie event of the century, with over 50 main superhero characters, all studios with Marvel superheroes must combine their universes through the Stan Lee cameos. A popular theory online is that Stan Lee is The Watcher, a cosmic entity overseeing all the events that transpire in every Marvel Universe. Much like my Harry Dean Stanton pitch, Stan Lee will also be revealed to be an Infinity Stone. He is the Time Stone, since I’m relatively certain Stan Lee will never die after having a arc reactor pace maker put into his chest. Stan Lee is infinite and he will be the ultimate spinoff movie. Excelsior!

*Headcanon: an idea you create about a story or character that is only legitimate in the confines of an individual mind.