Richard already wrote about The Avengers and what could have been in the 90s and 2000s, but the Avengers have been around since the early sixties. So what if someone took a stab at making a movie about them before the 90s, and who would be in them? Well, luckily, I managed to find a Stargate, or a TARDIS, or whatever I would need to get movie copy written about non-existent movies from before I was born, and here I present, what could have been:
The Avengers 1960s
When the evil, sneaky Mandarin (Peter Sellers) threatens the world, Nick Fury (John Wayne) must assemble Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. First, he recruits dashing millionaire Tony Stark Aka The Iron Man (Tony Curtis), a bona-fide lady killer who’s always got a drink in his hand. Next, he needs some grade A, all-American muscle so brings in Captain America (Rock Hudson) a real man’s man. It turns out that the Mandarin is using dastardly Oriental magic so Fury must recruit in kind and finds Thor, The God of Thunder (Steve Reeves), who, despite his long hair and absurd beliefs, proves to be a crucial member of the team. Much like Dr Banner, a pencil-necked poindexter, who can transform into the mighty, manly Hulk (Jerry Lewis as both). Don’t worry though fellas, there’s some skirt on the team too, the lovely Black Widow (Brigitte Bardot) is a former Russian spy, who realised that USA is A-okay and came to play on the right team.
Directed by John Huston
The Avengers 1970s
It is a dark time for America. Zebediah Kilgrave (Gene Wilder), The slimy, manipulative Purple Man, has assumed the presidency, perverting that great office to evil. Nick Fury (Charlton Heston) must assemble Earth’s Mightiest Heroes to help America find its way again amidst corruption, scandal, and regrettable war in Madripoor. Up to the plate steps Captain America (Robert Redford), a man out of time who still believes in the Red, White and Blue. Tony Stark (Paul Newman), an industrialist struggling with the recession. Thor (Warren Beatty), God of Thunder in a Godless time. Dr Banner (John Cazale), a scientist betrayed by his own government and turned into a monster. And the Black Widow (Sophia Loren), a Russian Spy who, in a world this topsy-turvy is helping out the good guys.
Directed by Sidney Lumet
The Avengers 1980s
In a world filled with darkness and chaos, Nick Fury (Brian Dennehy), a secret agent with a murky past must assemble the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes when a mad machine called M.O.D.O.K (Danny DeVito) threatens the whole of mankind. Meet Captain America (Kurt Russell), a soldier without a war. Iron Man (Michael Douglas), a multi-millionaire who’s got firepower as well as cash. Thor (Dolph Lungren), he knows how to swing a hammer and the ladies love him. The Hulk (Tom Hanks), half nerd, half monster. Black Widow (Sigourney Weaver), Russian but she ain’t no Communist. Together they will take on the evil M.O.D.O.K and save the world.
Directed by John Carpenter