Fans of the X-Men franchise have been anxiously waiting for the Days of Future Past chapter to be told for years, and it’s finally arrived.  The X-Men universe is known for its extensive cast of characters, each with their own distinct abilities and personalities.  The dating pool is fairly large here ladies, and I’m back for another round of dating advice to help you weed out the bad ones.  The line between good and evil is often blurry when it comes to mutants, so get your little black books out and listen up, because dating X-Men can get tricky.

10. Sebastian Shaw

Sebastian-Shaw

For starters, if you sleep with him, you’re now six degrees connected to EVERYONE.

Let’s kick things off with an obvious choice here.  As we know, just because they’re superheroes doesn’t mean they’re the good guys.  Sebastian Shaw has all of the characteristics of a dangerous sociopath.  He’s charismatic, calculated, and narcissistic.  If you dated him he would probably constantly see you as the competition.  Shaw is also a businessman.  He’s one of the few X-Men that has pulled off keeping his mutant identity a secret in order to benefit him in the political and professional world.  He’s at the top of the food chain for humans and mutant.  This high level type of deceit is a major red flag for a potential romance.  How could you ever trust this guy?  Do we even know his real name?

9. Pyro

Pyro

“Is it just me or is it warm in here? Oh, no, it’s you. Definitely you.”

This asshole isn’t nearly as calm and calculating as the above, but that doesn’t increase the potential of a healthy relationship.  Pyro represents all of the qualities of that jock bully we all knew in high school.  He has a big ego, anger issues, and he switches sides depending on which way the wind blows.  He even turns his back on his best friend.  I can see the appeal ladies – bad boy potential and all that.  But this guy will only break your heart, or burn your house down the first time you fight.

8. Toad

Toad_frisst_einen_Vogel

Hey, are you gonna eat that?

I don’t really think much explanation is required for a character that resembles his namesake in both appearance and performance. You know that saying, “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”  Well that phrase was meant for this guy. His mouth is filthy.  Who would ever make out with a guy who flings his tongue all over everything? Gross. I hope he washes his mouth out with soap before his kisses his mom, and I highly recommend you don’t let him kiss you at all.

 

7. Magneto

You can't sit with us.

You can’t sit with us.

I’ve got good news and bad news about everyone’s favorite X-Men villain.  Let’s start with the good.  Thanks to the original trilogy plus X-Men: First Classwe pretty much get to see Eric Lensherr at every stage in his life, and he ages quite well (after all, who’s going to complain about Michael Fassbender or Ian McKellan?).  In his own twisted way you could probably call him loyal, at least to those he considers worthy of that loyalty.  He’s also passionate in his beliefs, which is an admirable quality when you want a man who’s dedicated.  However, the Magnet’s got a major flaw: his God complex.  He’s the leader of what he believes is a superior race (remind you of someone)? The only reason he’s ranked slightly higher than Sebastian Shaw is his emotional vulnerability, but as we’ve seen, that certainly doesn’t apply to humans. So if you’re not a mutant, good luck catching his interest.  Just ask Mystique.

6. Nightcrawler

Nightcrawler

I can’t decide if he loses or gains points for the tail.

Nightcrawler is one of the most fascinating and noble characters in the X-Men franchise.  He’s selfless, kind, heroic and unintentionally funny on occasion. He can also teleport, which means he can be by your side whenever you need him. One would assume with these qualities he would have major dating potential.  I disagree.  Although the guy would probably do anything for you, he’d spend 90% of the relationship apologizing to you and praying for forgiveness.  I guarantee he would refuse to participate in a spirited argument with you, which completely removes makeup sex from the equation.  Keep this guy close to you in case you ever need a quick escape from someplace, but leave him in the friend zone if you want to hold on to your sanity.

 

5. Wolverine

Wolverine

He’s slightly emotionally unstable.

Talk about bad boy potential.  Wolverine (for the most part) maintains a sexy balance of angry loner and loyal lover.  We’ve seen how hard he loves and how dedicated he can be to those he cares about.  He also has an endearing paternal side, which is evident in the way he cares for the students at the mutant academy, particularly Rogue.  However, even with all of these enticing characteristics, this rugged hunk does have his flaws.  With those high strung emotions come some pretty lethal claws, which (as I mentioned in my last attempt at dating advice) can put a real damper on things if he has a nightmare, or you’re in the middle of some great angry sex…

4. Beast

Beast

We’re creeping toward the top of the list, and you’ll begin to notice our X-Men getting a bit more wholesome.  I’m trying to look out for all of you here, and even if it’s not always as exciting, the nice guy is the way to go.  Here I present you with the nice guy who is both intelligent and a powerful political figure. Although Hank McCoy is occasionally reluctant about his mutant state, he’s too classy to brood about it.  He’s more of the strong, silent type.  Not to be superficial, but the only reason he isn’t higher on the list is all the blue and the fur.  I never said I was perfect.

3. Professor X

Xavier

Stop saying it’s fine. I can read your mind remember?

It’s a rare quality in the X-Men universe to possess extreme power and remain honorable and maintain your moral compass.  Charles Xavier is one of the few who manages to do just this.  He’s good to the core.  And thanks to X-Men: First Class we’re provided with some insight into the Profession in his younger days.  He had a bit more attitude back then and actually did have a sex drive, which somehow seems to have evaporated as the years have gone by and his responsibility and power has grown.  He takes his whole leader of the good guys role very seriously, which could mean less time for you.  If you don’t mind taking a backseat to the safety of all mankind (and if you’re cool with the fact that he can read your every thought), then Professor X is the one for you.

2. Iceman

Iceman

I’m just an adorable All-American ladies man.

I’m pretty sure every girl at mutant high wants to date Bobby Drake.  Those boyish good looks, and the masterful flirting.  Who wouldn’t date a guy that would create you your own personal ice rink because you missed home?  He didn’t even mind when his girlfriend literally could not touch him.  What hot blooded American, man or mutant, would stay with a girl he can’t get physical with?  Okay, well, who knows if Iceman is really hot blooded.  Maybe that’s the key to kindness and restraint.

1. Cyclops

Cyclops

If only it was possible to look into his eyes

Let me first just say, Cyclops is by far my favorite X-Men character to watch on the big screen.  There’s just something not that exciting about him, but there shouldn’t be.  He’s a family man.  He was next in line to run Professor X’s school, and he was in the process of spending his days with the love of his life.  And that may not make for a thrilling hero, but it sure does make for a great boyfriend.  He’s not boring.  He’s a good man.  We know from his evident devotion to Jean Grey that he would take care of you, yet respect you at the same time.  He’s not the jealous type, but he’s also not afraid to stake a claim on his girl when it’s necessary.  Take notes ladies.  This is guy’s a real keeper.