Underachievers
(Worst Movies of the Year)

Let’s just say I’m very disappointed in this group…

Lionsgate

Lionsgate

10. American Ultra: I saw this on Thanksgiving and on the first week of December, I had to Google “Kristen Stewart stoner” to remember the title. (Directed by Nima Nourizadeh. Lionsgate Films)

9. Ant-Man: How many movies are left in the MCU? It should have taken at least five or six more before they started to feel this uninspired and tired. Is this pick exacerbated by my superhero fatigue bias? You betcha. (“Oh no, but who will think of the poor, oppressed superhero movies?!”) (Directed by Peyton Reed. Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)

8. Project Almanac: I felt compelled to let these folks off the hook because it’s such a high school movie, but then I remembered that the same is true for The DUFF and Unfriended. This movie would be bad if it were made by and for elementary kids. Enjoy another junior year, Project Alamanac. (Directed by Dean Israelite. Paramount Pictures)

7. The Boy Next Door: At least amusing in its own cluelessness. A battle between a sixth year high school senior and an English teacher who believes Homer signed one of her books with a pen. Some couples just work. (Directed by Rob Cohen. Universal Pictures)

6. Serena: The worst of two of the best modern stars. Pioneer cosplay and a scattershot script. (Susanne Bier. Magnolia Pictures)

5. The Gallows: In a standout year for horror, you almost have to feel embarrassed for this ‘roided out Jason rip-off. (Directed by Travis Cluff and Cliff Lofing. New Line Cinema)

4. Seventh Son: “But, but, but… What about Julianne Moore and Jeff Bridges?” They suck. They never buy into this flimsy material. (Directed by Sergie Bodrov. Universal Pictures)

3. Aloha: It’s like some better, consulting filmmaker handed Cameron Crowe a list of things he does well and a list of things that he does terribly, but mislabeled them. (Directed by Cameron Crowe. Columbia Pictures)

2. The Human Centipede 3: The worst part about this is that fans of the filmmaker Tom Sixx will be disappointed that they didn’t get the worst spot. You can’t win with people who make cinema because they hate cinema. (Directed by Tom Sixx. IFC Midnight)

1. Mortdecai: Suck it, Tom Sixx. You’re not talented enough to be this bad. You should know how I feel about this one. (In case you don’t…) This is the kind of movie that can curb a collective grade straight into the ground if there isn’t some Great Film Titan to save the class average. (Directed by David Koepp. Lionsgate)

 

2015’s Worst of the Year Grade: I’d fail this group twice if I could, just because of Mortdecai. F-

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