It’s the time of year in which the internet is saturated with “Best of” and “Worst of” lists.  We’re kicking off our own year-end avalanche of superlatives by airing out our curmudgeonly side first.  Let’s wash our memories of the worst that 2014 had to offer so we can spend the rest of the year celebrating the positive.

Below, you’ll find our bitter, angry, condescending reactions to our worst movie-going experiences this year, our most brutal takedowns of every film to which we assigned a D or F grade.  Feel free to set the record straight if you disagree or to offer your own choices in the comments below.

The Monuments Men:  “This movie had everything going for it, but all that potential went to waste. Sometimes that’s worse than simply being awful.” – Schyler Martin (read the full review)

Pompeii:  “Even its relatively impressive visual effects can’t elevate this movie out of the molten stretch of diarrhea erupted upon it by Paul W. S. Anderson.” – Travis Losh (read the full review)

Nymphomaniac:  “Anytime you turn on a Lars von Trier movie, you’ve just opened your doors to the smartest and the saddest guy in the room—a man who likes to use his status as the first to discuss his status as the second.  When you invite that person in the room, his/her insistence on misery becomes tiresome, unendurable.” – David Shreve, Jr. (read the full review)

The Other Woman:  “This movie hates men, and it hates women. Comedy was spared…solely because The Other Woman doesn’t have the faintest idea of what that is.” – Grace (read the full review)

Divergent:  “Shailene Woodley and Theo James have zero chemistry.  Their scenes appear more like a young girl making out with her hot and brooding older brother.” – Beth Reynolds (read the full review)

Sabotage:  “More fun can be had watching the music video of the same name, thirty times in a row.” – David Shreve, Jr. (read the full review)

Big Bad Wolves:  “I’m all for black humor, but it has to be intelligently-conceived to earn its place, and then it has to be funny. This movie is neither.” – David Shreve, Jr. (read the full review)

The Quiet Ones:Dubstep would be more preferable than this sporadic assault on your auditory perception. It’s either quiet and low-key, or so loud that even the most seasoned movie veteran will question if they’re ‘getting too old for this shit.’” – Diego Crespo (read the full review)

Blended:  “Blended has its heart in the right place, but it’s too preoccupied making armpit farts to detect its own pulse.” – David Shreve, Jr. (read the full review)

Wolf Creek 2:  “Somewhere between Deliverance, the thoughtless post-9/11 backlash against Muslims, and Trayvon Martin, one would think our best filmmakers might have come to understand the social recklessness of projecting violent behavior expectations on cultural archetypes.” – David Shreve, Jr. (read the full review)

Transformers: Age of Extinction: “And this movie is long. Really, really long. I checked my phone at the twenty minute mark thinking I was an hour in. Age of Extinction made me physically uncomfortable for almost 3 hours.” – Diego Crespo (read the full review)

They Came Together:  “If you can’t depend on your audience to pick up on the humor of the genre you’re parodying, you probably shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.” – Beth Reynolds (read the full review)

The Angriest Man in Brooklyn: “The comedy is not enough to make you laugh and the drama lacks the engagement to elicit any emotional connection, which results in total apathy…” – Beth Reynolds (read the full review)

Wish I Was Here:  “It is wholly unoriginal, but, given the democratic nature of Kickstarter, it is exactly the elaborate, boring, extended music video that donators deserve.  There was never evidence that Braff was capable of anything but that.” -David Shreve, Jr. (read the full review)

Into the Storm:  “Every inch of this film is slapdash and hastily assembled, as if the studio challenged the producers to complete the entire film in three weeks.” – Josh Rosenfield (read the review)

The Amazing Spider-Man 2:  “The movie opens with the cogs in a watch supposed to represent time, but it all feels like clockwork in a machine trying to build a franchise. And this machine is failing.” – Diego Crespo (read the full review)

When the Game Stands Tall: “Due to the heavy-handed tone, I spent the first hour of the movie waiting for someone to die. The movie shouldn’t have to hold the viewer’s hand and show them the way” – J.S. Shreve (read the full review)

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For: “…exactly as boring, childish, and idiotic as its predecessor.” Josh Rosenfield (read the full review)

The Zero Theorem:  “Embracing your influences,  even when your influences include your own movies, is not an immediately flawed method, but there is something insincere here in Gilliam’s borrowing.” – Travis Losh (read the full review)

If I Stay:  “I’m a pretty emotional guy and I teared up once… maybe twice, which means, considering the cheap efforts, the film had about a ten percent success rate. ” – Travis Losh (read the full review)

Life of Crime:  ” The only problem is, these big name actors aren’t given much to work with, and it’s evident they’re just as bored as we are.” – Beth Reynolds (read the full review)

The Longest Week:  ” If the aim were to create a Wes Anderson-style film with Woody Allen characters, I would be inclined to deem it a smashing success in careful mimicry. But really, what’s the kindest word for ‘cheap, sub-par knockoff’?” – Grace Porter (read the full review)

No Good Deed:  “… lands with a thud, lacking narrative thrills and cinematic competency.”  – Josh Rosenfield (read the full review)

A Walk Among the Tombstones:  “Liam Neeson was once one of the best actors in the world, but it’s unlikely that any of his movies will be a joy for audiences until they’re once again a joy for the actor.” – David Shreve, Jr. (read the full review)

Good People:  ” …elements from almost every overused plot line of the last twenty years of crime thrillers.” – Beth Reynolds (read the full review)

Tusk:If aimlessness was the point of the movie, Smith might have been able to say something profoundly disturbing here. But why do that when he can indulge his own sensibilities?” – Diego Crespo (read the full review)

Annabelle:  “Annabelle doesn’t make me do anything besides shrug and walk off in disappointment. Make no mistake, this is an awful movie.” – Diego Crespo (read the full review)

A Good Marriage:  “I’ll continue to watch and support everything King does, but god, I sure hope he doesn’t do something like this again.” – Schyler Martin (read the full review)

Left Behind:  “I’ve urged my colleagues here at Audiences Everywhere to always come from a place wherein they are attempting to like the movie they’re reviewing.  That rule doesn’t apply to this movie, because this movie doesn’t extend the same courtesy… So this movie can go fuck itself.” – David Shreve, Jr. (read the full review)

Dracula Untold:  “The greatest strength and weakness of this movie is that it only last for about 90 minutes. It doesn’t overstay its unwelcome presence, but it doesn’t last long enough to make much of an impact either.” – Diego Crespo (read the full review)

Men, Women, & Children:  “Men, Women & Children would be laughably abysmal if it aired on Lifetime, but the big screen makes it seem even more pretentious, overblown, and nonsensical.” – Josh Rosenfield (read the full review)

Open Windows:  “I spent the whole movie trying to work out which webcam/security camera/phone camera/website/dash cam I was seeing through and why.” – Sean Fallon (read the full review)

Ouija: “The only thing White has working for him is my overactive imagination. Without that, it’s just another forgettable movie.” – Teaira Lacson (read the full review)

The Mule:  “I kept expecting jokes but there weren’t any. Good characters turned bad and bad characters turned good with no clear motives, and then, the movie ended.” – Sean Fallon (read the full review)

The Sleepwalker:  “If The Sleepwalker could figure out what it wanted to be, the film would have the substance to be worth watching as opposed to being unpolished and piecemeal.” – Teaira Lacson (read the full review)

Exodus: Gods and Kings:  “When it comes to films as large in scale as Exodus, “epic’ and “absurd” sit in very close proximity.  Missing by an inch can look a lot like missing by a mile. Scott just throws everything he can on the screen… and swings so hard that he sharts a hole in his pants as he misses completely.” – David Shreve, Jr. (read the full review)

Featured Image: Tusk,  Smodcast Productions